You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
