i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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