I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
