We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
