so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
