i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
