Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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