i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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