it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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