He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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