Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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