why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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