...so i touched it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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