I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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