We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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