Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
