I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
