i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
