I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
