Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
