you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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