planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
