I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
