Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
