That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
