It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
