Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
