someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
