Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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