my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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