I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
