I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Even my vagina gasped.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
