I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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