Umm I'm too high to move.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
