I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
