Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
