You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
