So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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