whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
