I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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