I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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