So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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