saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
