wakey wakey hands off snakey
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bring me that man meat
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
