My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
