i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
