Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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