dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you had me at cake vodka
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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