Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
