please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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