Are we in a gay sports bar?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
