i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
