Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's never too late to be topless.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
