I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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