Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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