your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
