The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
